


Be Careful, You're Not In Wonderland

by Hooled (orphan_account)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: After Grand Prix Finals, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression, Kissing, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-02 20:10:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8681800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Hooled
Summary: After Katsuki Yuuri wins the gold medal at the Grand Prix Finals, Viktor kept true to his words and left Yuuri after the competition. Yuuri is so devastated till the point where his life slowly spirals out of control. (First time writing sooooo plz have mercy on me.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Yuuri's POV**

_I did it._

_I finally did it. I finally got a gold medal. I somehow won!_

_I wonder what Viktor thinks about this. Taking his rightful throne away from him and taking his crown and placing it on my head. I am so, so, so happy._

_I can now eat all he pork cutlets bowls that I want with him. Gosh. I love him. I love him so much for making my dreams come true._

I stepped off the podium and skated around the rink for one more time. This might be the last time that I'll skate on this rink. I lifted my hands and bowed to the audience as they threw their gifts into the ice skating rink. I skated to the exit and bowed one last time before getting out of the ice rink.I smiled and walked to the backstage, trying to find Viktor in this mess only to be bombarded by reporters.

"Congratulations Katsuki Yuuri! Is this going to be your last season?"

"Katsuki Yuuri! What do you think about your win?" "KATSUKI YUURI WHAT ARE YOU PLANS AFTER THIS SEASON!"

"Katsuki Yuuri!!! Is Viktor going to continue coaching you next year???"

I tried to answer all of them quickly one by one, knowing that it was going to be a really long time before the crowd decides to subside.

**Viktor's POV**

_Oh my god. Yuuri. You are perfect. Oh my gosh, I love you. I_

_am so proud to be your coach. Your lover. Your boyfriend. Your soulmate._

_Gosh I love you to bits!_

While I was screaming all my love for Yuuri in my brain while he received his medal at the podium, my phone started ringing. I looked at my phone and saw the caller ID. It was my mom. I quickly ran into a more quiet place when the crowd started cheering loudly.

I answered the phone call and my mother's cold and passive aggressive voice came through.

"Hello Viktor," mother greeted.

"Hi Mom! Are you watching the TV right now? Did you see my Yuuri win the gold medal? I'm so proud of him, Mom!" I squealed into the speaker.

My mother waited for a few moments before saying coldly, "Viktor. You have to break up whatever you have with him. Now. You are getting way too close to him for comfort. I'll give you two days to do what I say. And if you you're stupid enough to not know what Papa and I can do, we can easily make his and your life become hell with the help of our friends."

I was shocked at my mother's words. It was silent for a while before I finally found my voice. "Why Mom? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Do not argue with me, Vitya. If you do not break up with him, Father and I will disown you," growled my mother.

"Give me at least three weeks, Mom. Please!"

"I do not care, Vitya. My son will not be one of those пидора́с. Come back to Russia and take back your right place again, Viktor. If you do not cut all ties with him, we will not support you at all."

"Mom please! One week!" I cried.

The line went dead. I punched the wall in frustration. I love my parents dearly. I really do. They supported me in everything I did. Even things that they don't really agree on. I wonder what made them suddenly change. Why do they not support me with my relationship with Yuuri? I love Yuuri so much. I love him more than my exes. He didn't give me more than what my exes gave me but my unconditional love for him and his love for me made up for it.

_Why now, Mom? Why now? You know that I love him a lot Mom so why are you doing this to me?_

I growled in frustration and punched the rough wall harder, making a small dent on the wall and making small scratch marks on my knuckles. I leaned on the wall before sliding down into a siting fetal position, my head tucked in between my knees and my hands embracing my knees. What do I do now? I can't just break things off like this. It'll break him from the inside and he might just crash harder than he did when he lost at the last Grand Prix Finals.

It'll break whatever confidence and self-love that I helped him build. It will destroy him. I don't want that to happen. I don't want my Yuuri to crash like that. I just can't. I don't want to be the cause of my Yuuri breaking.

I didn't notice that I was crying until I noticed wet spots on my clothes. I wiped my tears and tried to fan my eyes wit my hands in an attempt to make any signs of crying not that noticeable. I looked at a broken mirror nearby and tried to don my best 'breathtaking' smile, knowing that it will fool anyone. Even Yuuri.

I quickly walked out of the isolated area and back to the backstage.

**Yuuri's POV**

After a good 10 minutes of reporters asking my questions and a security guard trying to control the crowd, I finally saw Viktor's shining silver head from the crowd. I pushed through the crowd and jumped on Viktor. Viktor's eyes widened when I passionately kissed his lips, giving zero fucks to the reporters.

I frowned a little when Viktor didn't respond to me. Instead his lips was shut tightly. I wonder what happened just now.

I waved it off as I place my hand around his waist to be closer to him. I was surprised when he didn't do anything else other than putting his hand on my shoulder. Normally, he'd be very touchy and clingy whenever I won anything.

"What's wrong?" I whispered to him.

"Nothing is, my dear," he replied coldly.

I raised my eyebrows at his attitude. I looked up at him and saw him smiling brightly but there was something wrong with his smile. It looked a little fake to be honest. Normally his smiles are very genuine and happy but I can't help but feel like there's a hint of anger and sadness on it.

I'll ask him about it when we're alone. But now, let's celebrate and have some fun together with our friends.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Oh my gosh, what an exciting and exhausting day it is. I still cant believe that I won the gold medal at the Grand Prix Final. I finally achieved my goal.

But there was something bugging me the whole night. It was Viktor.

_Why was Viktor so cold to me just now? Did I do something wrong?_

Viktor was in the bathroom bathing and he'd normally be humming or singing a famous song that kept repeating way too much on the radio, but my silver feathered canary wasn't singing his heart out. That didn't sit well with me obviously. He'd normally be very cheerful and happy. Plus, didn't he say his goal was to make me win in the Grand Prix Finals? What happened to him then? I'll ask about his behaviour after he's done bathing. _  
_

After a few minutes, I heard the screeching sound of the shower knob being turned off and the rustle of movement and the changing of clothes before Viktor open the bathroom door. He looked so glum and if you looked closely, you can see the redness in his eyes. My intentions of asking him about his coldness towards me flew out of the window and I immediately rushed to his side, cupping his cheeks so that he'll look at me and not the ground.

"Viktor, what's wrong?" I gently asked, placing soft kisses around his face and caressing his hair lovingly.

Viktor closed his eyes as tears welled up in his eyes. He slumped against my touch and embraced me. I hugged him and whispered my love to him, which made him cry even more. I used one of my hand to try to wipe his eyes dry. I was puzzled as to why he was crying but I didn't ask him. Not now. Not when his eyes are trying to be the next most famous sad water theme park.

I held him close, scared that he'll suddenly shatter before my eyes. At least I'll be there to help him repair himself. Viktor suddenly embraced me tightly, the tears from his eyes flowing more freely right now. I tried consoling him by drawing comforting circles on his back with my hand but that seemed to make him cry even harder than before. Viktor let out those horrible sobs and I tried to do everything I can to stop the dreadful sounds coming out from him.

I kissed him slowly and passionately. I caressed his hair and pulled at it weakly, trying to ease the tension out of him. It seemed to work for a while as he responded back by kissing me very slowly and by making his body not so tense but the tears still fell like a steady stream. He looked as if he was cherishing the moment. Like this kiss would be his last kiss.

**Viktor's POV**

My fingers slowly wandered around his body. I tried to remember every bit of him with my fingers. I slowly open the buttons on his shirt one by one, sliding his shirt down as we continued our slow and heated farewell kiss. A farewell to me at least. The toned chest and the contours of his four pack abs. The small unnoticeable little hills of his rib cage slightly popping out from his chest. The contours of his back muscles rippling as they moved. The little bumps of his spine.

_Fuck. I love him so much. So. So. So. Much. I'll miss him. I want this to go on forever. I don't want to say those horrible words to him. I don't want to end this. I want this to continue. I don't want to leave him.  
_

I've seen what my parents can do. They made one of their close friend who is really a traitor a living hell when they found out about his plans to slowly sabotage their financial plannings, slowly stealing their shares away and jeopardizing their business. I don't want that to happen to my Yuuri. _  
_

_I love you so much, Katsuki Yuuri. I'm happy that I met you. You were a light in my darkness. Please find somebody else and please continue to find love after I break up with you. I don't want things to end just yet but I don't want to drag you down with my shit. I don't want you to suffer from my parents' wrath._

_And that is why it hurts so much to say this._

I pulled away from his loving embrace and took a deep breath. I wiped away my tears and steeled my composure, donning the coldest look that I can ever do on my face without breaking as I said,

"Let's break up."

Yuuri eyes widened in shock and slowly morphed into puzzlement.

"What did you say?" Yuuri whispered.

"I said, let's break up. I'm no good for you Yuuri. I'll pull you down from your goals. You don't need me now."

"You never pulled me down at all, Viktor. In fact, you helped me achieve them. And yes, you are good for me. And I still need you. Did somebody dare you to do this?" Yuuri said.

"No Yuuri. It's my choice. And it's for your own good, Yuuri. You won't get hurt if I'm not here. You'll be safe. You won't get hurt by me. You'll be safe if I'm out of the picture," I growled.

"No. I don't care. I still need you. I love you, Viktor. Don't just end things like this, Viktor," Yuuri half sobbed.

Fuck. I can see tears threatening to pour out of his eyes. Not now. Not when I'm trying to spill out the fake hatred that I have for you.

" Yuuri, do you still remember the time where we first met? In Yu-Topia? I was in the onsen, remember? When I first went there, my goal was to coach you till you win at the Grand Prix Finals. And then I would come back to Russia. A relationship wasn't supposed to happen. I never really wanted a relationship to start in the first place," I said coldly. I didn't really mind if a relationship happened. I didn't mind if a relationship with Yuuri happened.

"Since you've won, I can now leave and go back to Russia," I continued, "If you love me then respect my decision, Yuuri."

"So you're just going to forget all the things that we've did together and just leave?" Yuuri sobbed while tears started rolling down his face.

I felt my hands itching to wipe the tears off his face but I balled my hands into a fist. I can't just break whatever composure I had if I want to break up with him.

"Yes and I would like you to do that too, Katsuki Yuri," I said callously but barely managing to say his name without sobbing a little.

There was a pause before Yuuri whimpered, "You're my first love. Please don't leave me. I love you so much."

"I'm so sorry Yuuri, but I have to. I suggest that you go out for an hour to have some fresh air while I pack my bags. I'll be gone when you come back," I said unemotionally.

I don't want to pack my bags. I don't want to Yuuri to leave. I don't want this heart break to happen. The amount of tears flowing from Yuuri's face was enough to fill up an Olympic sized swimming pool. I wanted to so badly take back whatever I said to him just now and just wipe his tears. I want to just hold him so that he wouldn't break.

If he wants to hit me or hurt me, fine. I probably deserved it for saying such things to him.

But I'm so, so, so sorry for leaving you, my Katsudon.

**Yuuri's POV**

Why is Victor doing this to me? Does he not care about me anymore? Did he find someone else or something? Am I not good enough for him? Is it because I'm still a little too fat to his eyes?

I can literally hear my heart break into two. No it didn't break. It was destroyed. If it broke into two, it can still be fixed. Mine was just hammered into small tiny and powdered pieces. It was unrepairable.

I just want to punch Viktor in the face for hurting me like that. He know that I have a heart of glass that's made in China and he just threw it away. He threw it and smashed it into pieces for good measure. Oh how I hated him for doing that.

I wiped my tears and balled my hands into fists as they shook uncontrollably with an itch to punch his perfect face. I couldn't control myself as my fist suddenly lifted and punched him in the face. He fell, stood up and rubbed his face but he didn't do anything else other than that. I hit his chest continuously as hard as I could and my tears started to spill all over again.

I hit his chest as hard as I could until I didn't have any strength left in me. He placed his arms around me to stop me from hitting him but that just angered me further. How can you do this to me, Viktor? How?

I tried to push him away from me but his grip just became tighter and tighter. I gave up and just rested my head on his chest, my tears dripping on his shirt and on my hands that was tucked in between me and him.

"I'm so sorry, Yuuri. I'm so sorry. But I have to leave. I'm so sorry that I have to leave you. I'm so, so, sorry. I still love you Yuuri. But I just have to leave," Viktor cried.

I lifted my head and kissed him one last time. I placed my hand on his neck and pulled him closer to me. It wasn't fast, it was just a slow painful goodbye with our lips. Each movement felt painful as both of us tried to remember everything about us before we said goodbye.

If I love him, then I should respect his wishes to break up.

It hurts so much. I hate that it hurts so much.

I cried and pulled away from the kiss, just to embrace him in a tight hug. I don't want to let my silver canary go but I have to.

"Thank you for everything, Viktor. Dasvidanya, moya lyubov." I whispered into his ear and kissed his cheek before letting him go.

I wiped my tears and forced myself to look away from him, grabbing my phone on the table before taking the spare hotel card and opening the door. I looked back one last time and saw Viktor staring at me with tears flowing down his face like a steady stream.

I breathed deeply and forced myself to leave the hotel room without bursting into tears. The click of the door being shut was like a finality to our relationship.

I love you so much, Viktor.

いつもあいしてる、ヴィクトル。


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there's a little heat on this chapter and it's not even a Viktor/Yuuri moment.
> 
> So brace yourselves. ;)

**Yuuri's POV**

I walked down the hallway, trying to hold in all the tears that threatened to fall. It felt so heart wrenching to just leave like, knowing that once I come back to the hotel, Victor will be gone. It felt like I was losing a part of me. A part of me that I loved dearly.

It took every fibre in me not to turn back and open the door again to beat Viktor up for saying what he said just now. Gosh, I feel hopeless. When the truth crashed on me so hard that Viktor will really be gone and we might never meet each other again, the tears started flowing out again and I had to quickly jump into a storage room so that my cries would not be heard.

_God give me strength to move on without Viktor, please. God, you do know that I love him more than myself, so why are you doing this to me? Are you trying to test me?_

_Is he just going to forget all those moments that we shared together?_

_Is it because he has found somebody else?_

_We were going so well though. What happened?_

_Fuck you, Viktor. Fuck you for making me fall in love you. Fuck you for breaking up with me. Fuck you for everything._

_You shouldn't have come to Japan. You should've just stayed in Russia. You shouldn't have turned my word upside don by your mere presence alone and then just destroy it in the end._

_I fucking hate you for loving you._

It hurt for me to say that. I love Viktor a lot. I just want Viktor to stay with me. I just want Viktor by my side to catch me when I fall. I just want Viktor by my side so that he can hold me when I'm down and so that he can just kiss me like there's no tomorrow. Is that too much to ask?

I sobbed as I remembered all the moments that we shared together. Now we'll never make new ones together anymore. And all of the ones that we made will now be remembered as memories. Memories that I loved creating with him. Very valuable memories.

I leaned against the wall as my legs started to feel a little wobbly from the stress that I put it on when I was skating just now. Damn, even the competition that happened today but it felt like it happened decades ago. All this hard work and pain just to have more pain in return.

I did everything Viktor asked me to do and what did I get in return? I went on a strict diet for him. I practiced non stop for him. I worked my ass off for him to be beside me and what did he give me in return? A stab of rejection to the heart.

Is he just trying to waste my time by entertaining himself by making me go through vigorous training and everything?

He's fucking sick. My legs gave out and I was lying on the floor crying my life out onto the floor. I hate feeling like this. I hate being so sad. I hate that I'm still trying to cling on to him when he clearly doesn't want me anymore. This feels worser than my loss at the last Grand Prix Finals.

I wish I was fucking dead.

It was fucking pathetic that I was bawling my eyes out for someone that doesn't want me anymore. I am fucking pathetic. It angers and saddens me that I am this pathetic. Why do I have glass for a heart?

I punched the wall beside me with almost enough force to break my hand. But surprisingly the surge of pain that ran up my arm made me feel relief and it helped me distract myself from my thoughts that made me feel worthless. It was euphoric.

I didn't know that pain can be that pleasing. It was like the high that you get while you're skating to a song that you liked. It was like a drug. A substitute for the loss of my other form of drug called love.

I punched the wall harder than before again and was pleased by the euphoric response that overwhelmed me with relief. Damn, now I understand why people harm themselves. It can be quite addictive if you didn't control yourself.

I checked my fist and saw that there was already red angry spots popping out from my knuckles. Then when I looked closer, I noticed that there was blood oozing out from the gashes on my knuckles. Some were deep and some were not. The sight of my bloody and red fist was satisfying.

I took my phone from my pocket and saw that I was only in here for 7 minutes and got up. When I was about to open the door, I noticed that I wasn't wearing anything at all. God damn it, fucking Viktor again. Interrupting me and my plans again.

I looked around the room and saw a white bathroom robe on a shelf. I took the robe and donned it on, tying the white belt around my waist tightly so that I won't feel so cold when I stepped outside.

I opened the door and went to the bar, looking for a drink and someone to make me numb from my inner turmoil.

**Viktor's POV**

_Fuck. He left me just like that. No. Please come back Yuuri._

_I'm so sorry for saying what I said just now, Yuuri. Just come back._

_Please._

I felt the tears falling down from my face as they soaked my shirt. I can't believe I did that. Why am I following mama's and papa's words? I could have just easily explained what the situation is to him but I was scared for my katsudon's safety.

I fell onto the bed and crumpled into a fetal position, my arms tucked in between my knees and my torso. I took one of Yuuri's shirt that was lying beside the bed and smelled the shirt. The familiar scent of Yuuri hit my nostrils hit me and I felt relief before reality crashed on me harder than truck as I cried harder than before.

It must've been quite some time since I've cried because now I was just dry sobbing/ heaving on the bed. The tears that left my eyes made a small, cold and almost dried up puddle around my bed. It was getting a little chilly and my joints were getting cramped.

I got up and opened my phone, noticing that 40 minutes has passed since the break up. I saw the shirt that I held and noticed that it was the shirt that I stripped Yuuri off when we were kissing. And if I remembered, Yuuri just left without his clothes.

I facepalmed myself. I saw the shirt again and felt the temptation to keep the shirt. My brain said no because if you want to move on, forgetting about it was the first step but my heart said just take the freaking shirt. I went into a fuck it mode and just shoved the shirt into the corner of my luggage.

Since I was taught to be organised since I was young, it only took me a short time to find my things and carefully place it into the luggage. I swear I could feel my heart twist every time I placed my things in the luggage. Now I really wished I wasn't that organised so that I can buy extra time.

I saw the Makkachin tissue holder on the coffee table and I wanted to take it back before I realised that maybe I should leave it here for Yuuri. Just in case he wants it or needs it. I took a pen from coffee table and wrote 'I still love you, Yuuri. I wish I can explain but I'm afraid I can't do that Yuuri. I wish you the best and remember that you'll always have a special place in my heart. Dasvidanya, moya lyubov.' on one of tissue papers and shoved the delicate thing into the corner of the tissue box.

When I wrote that, it was like the full force of crushing reality hit me and I couldn't help but crumple into a ball of weeping mess on the floor. I just needed more time. Please.

**Yuuri's POV**

I think I've been sitting on the stool for a few minutes now while I was staring at the little droplets rolling down my glass. I didn't even know what I ordered for my drink. I stared at the drink in front of me before I decided to down it in one shot. The drink burned my throat and I embraced it. Dang, I must be becoming some sick masochist.

I lifted my bruised arm and placed on the table just to stare at it uninterestedly. I was staring, or really observing, the bruising change from an angry red to a bright navy indigo. I had a lot of bruises from skating before so this wasn't really a surprise.

I saw somebody sit next to me in my peripheral vision but I couldn't give a damn. I nodded when the bartender serving behind the counter shyly asked if I wanted a drink and I nodded. I was planning to drown my feelings with alcohol and maybe sex.

It would probably make me forget about Viktor. I didn't really plan on drowning my feelings on such mind numbing luxury entertainment for a really long time but I needed a quick pain killer to hit me with numbness. I needed a quick fix for my big problem.

"I'll pay for that drink," said the man that sat beside me.

I looked at him and damn he was hot. I had to blush a little even though I was feeling a little down. He wasn't very young, that's for sure but he was the kind of mid-thirties guy with hotness still intact after all those years. He bright blonde hair shined in the dimly lit bar and his eyes were a dark but sharp blue. It was definitely a more intense blue than Viktor's eyes.

GAH! I have to forget about Viktor!

I shook my head and stared at my drink. This guy is waaaaay too hot. Out of my league. I can't possibly seduce this guy for a one night stand. Or even try to get a kiss from him. I don't even know if he's gay! I quickly shook the idea out of my head and just continued sulking.

Who knew I had a thing for older guys?

"So... um... Congratulations on your win at the Grand Prix Finals," he tentatively said.

I forced a small grin and muttered a small thanks. Awkward silence continued after that.

"Well, uh... Viktor must be proud to have a protégé and boyfriend like you. I'm a figure skating coach myself and I've trained some Olympians before," he pushed on before chuckling in the end.

I was tempted to snap at him at the mention of Viktor's name but when he said he was a figure skating coach, an idea popped into my head.

They thought I was retiring after this season didn't they? Hah. They thought wrong. They thought that this season was the last for me but I decided that I will join next year's season just to get revenge on Viktor. Oh, that I will be doing.

Thank you so much for revealing a very petty side of me, Viktor.

"Oh well, talking about coaching, can you coach me for next year's season?" I asked suddenly while looking at him.

"Are you sure? Is Viktor going to get mad about it? " he asked.

"He'll be perfectly fine with it since we're not even together anymore and he promised to only train me for this season and that's it. I won and got a gold. Now he's just going to fucking go back to Russia and have a happy life without me," I half snaped half said.

"Oh! Okay then. But you know there's a fee for coaching right?"

"Obviously. Nothing is ever free."

"Though I think I can give you a discount. But that discount isn't that free too..." he said slowly.

"What do you want from me though?" I asked curiously since I really don't have anything to give him at all. I mean I can give him my body. I don't really mind. It'll probably distract me from the fucked upness that I know that's bound to fuck me up when I feel like a worthless attention seeking hoe.

_But didn't Viktor say you're his? Body , mind and everything? Didn't Viktor say that your are only for him and him alone?_

Shut up. Viktor doesn't want me anymore. Probably because he was tired of my dependency on him, my mental issues and my flaws. He probably hates you inside but he keeps his act up just so that you can win a gold.

"Well, you can uh... give me your body...? I swear I'll try not to hurt you. It's just like a friend with benefits kind of thing. It's just that I've never had sex for... God knows how long," he said while his cheeks blushed a little. It would be adorable and I would have giggled at his cuteness if I weren't feeling so down.

"Sure. I was thinking about getting a rebound anyways. I mean like you're actually very hot even though you're probably 35-ish," I said while staring at him.

"Oh why thanks for the compliment. Oh and I just forgot, how rude of me," he facepalmed himself before continuing, "I haven't introduced myself to you and we're already discussing things. Well, my name is Evans. Evans Lancaster. I'm 32 years old and I'm from America. I coach at an ice skating rink at New York but I decided to take a break this year. I've won four golds at the Grand Prix Finals before."

My eyes widened in shock when he mentioned his name. I can't believe I didn't notice him at first glance. It's probably because I was moping around. He was a pretty good figure skater back in his competitive figure skating days. I've seen videos of him skating before. I have mad respect for this guy.

He managed to do a quadruple lutz before and he almost did a quadruple axel but he landed on his ass when he did it at one of his competitions.There was almost enough rotations in the air to count as a quadruple axel but when they saw the slow motion video of the jump it was just a 4 rotation. He just needed another half of a rotation just for his Quadruple axel to count.

Damn. He better teach me how to do a quad lutz and axel so that I can show Viktor that I don't need his help to get gold medal.

When I came down from my fanboy high, I slowly smiled at the thought of America. I've been to New York before while I was training at Detroit. It was a very busy place and I swear to god every where is bustling with activities at every hour. The city continues to be busy even when it's midnight. New York is a little sad since you can be very lonely even if you're in a place filled with people.

I downed the drink that he bought in one shot and I can feel myself become a little tipsy. I can never really handle my sake so this wasn't much of a surprise. My family and Minako-sensei always teased me about it.

"So about our coaching thing, where would you like to coach me at? Japan or America? I don't mind which place you choose," I asked him with a questioning look. I was hoping he'd choose Japan. I really need my family right now.

"Hmm, I think we'll train at Japan. I've never been there before and I'd like to see what Japan looks like. I need a change from the hectic yet isolating streets of New York."

"What about your job at the ice skating rink?"

"I'll just say I'm taking a big break from coaching and I'm coaching someone privately. They'll be fine with it. Plus, I'm pretty close with the owner there. I can go back there to work whenever I want to."

I nodded and stared at my empty cup as the memories of Viktor coaching me slowly seeped into my train of thoughts. I clenched my fist and closed my eyes as I threw every momery I ever had to the garbage dump in my mind. He wants me to forget about the moments we've had?

Fine. But I'll continue to hate him for wasting my time and money. Ungrateful son of a bitch. I need to stop thinking about him.

"Hey are you alright?" He asked while holding my shoulder. His touch felt like zaps of electric and warmth. A nice comforting kind of warm.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. I can see concern written all over his face. Gosh I can't believe I was getting turned on by him just touching me. It must be lust since he just looks like a Greek god looking at me. Even if this wasn't Viktor, he was a perfect substitute for my loss.

Gosh, I really need to stop thinking about Viktor.

I took his hand and pulled him with me. I opened the door of the bar and walked into a more secluded place. Come to think of it, this hotel was pretty huge but there wasn't really anyone around.

When I found a good spot I leaned my back against one of the walls that had paddings on it. That's weird for a wall but at least it's comfortable. I placed my arms around his neck and breathed in his cologne. It wasn't those sharp and irritating smell that smelled like a Head And Shoulder dandruff shampoo. It was a subtle and nice. He smelled like the pretty plum blossoms that grew near my family's onsen. I remember playing under the plum blossom tree when I was young.

I bit my lips seductively as I whispered, "Fuck. You smell amazing. You smell like home."

He placed his hands beside me and I felt jubilation wash over me. I can feel guilt slowly creeping up from the corners of my mind but I slowly stamped it down with the determination to at least make him kiss me. If he smells this good, I wonder what his mouth tastes like.

"Damn, you look so much sexier up close. And those lips. Hell, I've been dying to know how your lips feel like," he said huskily.

I can feel blood flowing down to my dick just by him talking. I might have some compliment kink that I didn't know of until now.

My eyes widened when he suddenly swooped down and crashed his lips onto mine harshly on the mouth. Fuck, that's right. That will certainly leave a bruise. His kiss was harsh but I needed that rough pain to distract me. I moaned loudly in pleasure.

He suddenly pulled back and he had a guilty look on his face. I looked at him questioningly and tried not to groan at him for suddenly pulling away.

"I kissed you too hard didn't I? I'm so sorry. It's just that... Gosh I'm too desperate and horny," he mumbled.

"It's alright. Plus, I like it when it's rough," I seductively said while I pulled him harshly to kiss me.

He moved his mouth aggressively yet sensually against mine. I've got to say, he's a pretty good kisser. One of his hand slowly slid down my shoulder, down my chest then when his hands found the white cloth securing my robe, he quickly opened the tight knot with one hand and I've got to say I'm kinda surprised.

He tugged it and my robe loosened. He slid his hand under my robe and played with my right nipple. Thank the lord for his calloused hands because his fingers were doing a great job of pulling me into the depths of pleasurable sin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plz don't kill me I swear to god I will give u pirozkhi katsudons if you don't. I swear it'll be better since you'll be reading about a petty Yuuri as I continue writing.
> 
> I already have a vision about what I want to write and I even found songs for their programs for their next season and I swear shit gonna go down.
> 
> P.s. I am still trying to improve my writing so if there's something wrong or weird with my writing I am so incredibly sorry for that.
> 
> (The reason why Yuuri is freaking out is because a Quad Lutz is a pretty difficult jump and the Quad Axel is the hardest of them all. Nobody has ever done the Quad axel successfully before. Even though 4 rotations is a quad but in a Quad Axel, you need 4 and a half rotations for it to count as a Quad Axel. I'm not a figure skater myself but from what I've read, you need about 4 1/2 rotations for it.)

**Author's Note:**

> \- いつもあいしてる、ヴィクトル =means 'I will always love you, Viktor.'  
> \- пидора́с = is an offensive way of saying gay in Russian.  
> __________________________________________  
> Guys, I know it is a little slow and I might be dragging the story a little too long but BEAR ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ　with me. 
> 
> ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ　ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ　ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ　  
> and i lowkey know that the story is a little confusing but bruh ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ with me. Dis mai first time and this is just the first chapter so just ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ with me wasn't it. I'll try to update as fast as possible. Thx.


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